Finding myself mid life. Vulture thoughts circle dead things, the white bones of past pasts. Future shadow of the scythe touches today, an intruder stalking my boundaries. I lose more golden moments picking over carcass memories. Blurred recall, a swirl of what was and what might have been, mixed up and hazy. Wish and reality, guilt and reality, truth and reality. Inner voices playing broken telephone. The pearl is lost in the muddied pools of time.
Aching longing, I want to go back! Not to change the past or even sift it for truths, not for the music or the passion. Only to live it, to LIVE it. Of my multitudinous mistakes, my wrong turns and muck ups, the big regret is that YOUTH passed, huge chunks unappreciated. Days, months, years wished away uncherished, orphan time. The shadow of the reaper falls over now. Mental contortions looking behind and ahead, now is passing unaware to be mourned another day.