When I started smoking as a teen I wanted to fit in. I continue to smoke now because I don’t want to fit in. Every fibre of me rejects the over sanitized, airbrushed bullshit around me.
In the 80’s more people smoked, but there was less self harm, of course humans did bad, stupid stuff but there was more honesty and reality. Now we live in a world where it is so easy to create a false persona and so many live their lives in accordance with what they want to project instead of projecting who they really are. Now smoking is bad, evil and anti-social, yet I have never seen more really bad, evil and anti-social behaviour than I see now. Scratch the social veneer and the stench of moral rot will choke you. The levels of perversion are shattering, kids today are doing stuff that I never heard of until I was in my 30’s. Through history kids have wanted to push boundaries and test the unknown, now they are bored shitless because there is nothing new.
I’m nostalgic for the days when we watched ciggy ads and characters smoked in the movies. I’m nostalgic for the time when the exterior was a little sullied but the world was less fucked up and twisted.
I miss the days when people could acknowledge being broke at the end of the month and eat toast when cash ran low, not the smoke and mirrors bollocks of today’s credit madness. Ok, that’s a bit off topic but part of the whole airbrushed image of current society.
The more this prissy, rotten world tutt tutts at me, the more I want to blow smoke in it’s face.
Of course I’m addicted. I know that it’s a stinky and unfeminine habit. I know that my health must in some way be compromised. I can’t help myself, the more fingers are wagged at me, the more I have the urge to light up and show a finger.
Of course I really really enjoy smoking too. I love the first drag with a cup of coffee or glass of wine. I love the feel of it between my fingers. I love the way that first hit feels when I’m stressed out or the way it adds to any great experience. A braai under the stars with a fag, lovely just lovely!
The moment something I love becomes the “in” thing I want to drop it like a hot potato. Please someone make smoking trendy and “in”, I need an incentive to drop the habit.